Childhood
When Kelsey was 8 months old, her parents got divorced due to her mother’s addictions. Being so young, she didn’t understand until later in life how much not having a mother present in her life would truly impact her. All throughout childhood, Kelsey was left with empty promises of her mother coming back and being present, but something always “came up” and her mother chose her addictions over her children.
Awareness
At approximately age 6, Kelsey’s dad had eventually met another woman, got to know her, and eventually brought her into the house, but the relationship was never good.
“She not only physically abused my sisters, but also mentally hurt them and it caused me to realize what abuse was at a very young age”
Although Kelsey wasn’t the one experiencing the abuse, she still witnessed these things happening to the people she loved most. This woman also had a young daughter around the same age as Kelsey, who would act very inappropriately, making Kelsey very aware of her body from a young age and bringing a lot of stress and anxiety into Kelsey’s life.
Throughout this time, Kelsey never really had a good relationship with God, not truly being introduced to the church until later.
When Kelsey was 7, her father met Ashley, a woman who would eventually become her step-mother when they married in 2017.
Although Ashley was willing to step into the motherly figure position, Kelsey had so much past hurt from her biological mother and the other woman who had tried to fill that space. To put matters more on edge, Kelsey’s sisters were in constant conflict with Ashley, feeling that Ashley was trying to replace their biological mother. Kelsey was surrounded by emotional abuse and rebellion, with police coming to their home most days.
“The tension at my house only caused more anxiety for me.”
After Ashley and Kelsey’s dad were married, the family started attending Crossroads Community Church.
“It was very new to me. I didn’t realize exactly what a relationship with God was until I started attending the Sunday classes that Crossroads provided at the time.”
Although she was now attending church, it was more of a Sunday habit, rather than intentionally building a relationship with God.
Eating Disorder and Self Harm
When Kelsey entered the 6th grade, she developed an eating disorder, comparing herself to a friend.
“I would log how much I ate in a day and if I didn’t like it, I would make sure to not eat anything the next day. I would constantly try to burn that “weight” that I thought I had.”
The eating disorder ended up causing severe depression and anxiety that eventually led Kelsey to harm herself.
Once Kelsey admitted to her parents about what she was doing, they put her in therapy. Therapy helped her work through her eating disorder and self harm, but only seeing her therapist once a week, Kelsey still fell back into her anxiety and depression.
Twins
In 2018, Ashley announced that she was pregnant with twin girls. Although Kelsey was excited by the news, she couldn’t help but feel a pang of envy that those little girls would have their biological mother in their lives, and not only that, but that they would have a mother that cared for them, while hers simply chose other things.
Towards the end of Ashley’s pregnancy, she was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia and had to spend the majority of her time in the hospital.
“While she was in the hospital, it was me, my father, and my siblings at home and I felt a sense of discomfort. It felt as though I didn’t have a mother again”
Not knowing where else to turn, Kelsey opened her bible. She started to ask her dad questions in hopes of getting closer in her relationship with God.
Once Ashley came home with the twins, things around the house changed. Ashley became more protective of the twins, pushing Kelsey and her sisters further away and making Kelsey feel as if she no longer mattered. As things at home got harder, Kelsey’s depression and anxiety worsened along with her relationship with her step-mom.
Abandonment
On May 20th, 2020, Kelsey came home from school to find that Ashley had taken the twins, packed up her stuff and left, walking out on them, causing Kelsey to develop a fear of abandonment.
“This was the most heartbreaking thing that had happened to me in a very long time. I felt as though I wasn’t worthy enough to have a loving mother.”
After Ashley left, Kelsey and her dad continued attending Crossroads, but Kelsey felt that she was only attending in support of her father.
“I thought that if God loved me so much, why would He put me through such a thing?”
Although Kelsey was still in therapy, she was still going through things that continued to give her stress and anxiety. She began to relapse with self harm and her eating disorder, she wasn’t sleeping, had no motivation to do anything and eventually stopped attending church, feeling like she had nothing going for her anymore.
Recovery
In December 2021, Kelsey’s dad and Ashley rekindled their relationship and Ashley returned, but the relationship that Kelsey had with Ashley had changed.
“I lost a lot of trust for what had happened the past year with Ashley.”
Kelsey and Ashley‘s relationship became very hostile. There was a lot of emotional abuse and frequent arguments. Wanting to resolve their issues, Kelsey and Ashley started attending Crossroads Recovery. As they attended Crossroads Recovery more and more, they were able to create a bond that allowed Kelsey to put more trust into what God was planning in her life.
As Kelsey and her step-mom continue to go, her relationship with God was able to grow alongside her relationship with her step-mom. Kelsey started to recognize God’s love for her.
“I encountered the love so great of God that it didn’t matter if I had a mom that loved me, because I had a [heavenly] father that loved me”
Kelsey and her step-mom would still have days where they would argue, but in going to celebrate recovery, they have learned to work through it by sharing their love for God with each other.
Learning
Today, Kelsey is still learning the importance of keeping God central. In the past couple of years she has put herself in situations where she was growing apart from God, but in letting those things go she has been able to put her focus back on God.
Kelsey believes that keeping God at the center truly changed her life, He has brought her through every challenge she has had to face
“All those times I kept relapsing into different situations and at the times when I didn’t trust God when everything in my life was going wrong, are the times that I should’ve sought Him the most. And now I bring that with me every day, everywhere I go, because the only way that I achieved anything that I went through was from my Lord and savior Jesus Christ.
